David Hawkins. Some of the most difficult people to deal with are those who fail to take responsibility for their lives and who wreak havoc in their relationships. Author and relationship doctor David Hawkins offers help for those caught unavoidably in the craziness of a disordered person's life. With clear explanations, examples, and real life solutions, Hawkins shows readers how to develop healthy life skill tools and boundaries when, why, and how to confront a person who drives them crazy how disordered people think, act, and see the world Anyone trapped in another person's cycle of disorder will discover ways to change their own response, perspective, and communication, and ultimately will find the hope of peace in the chaos.
Broken Chaos Detectors. They Come in All Kinds. Caught in the CrazyMakers. Aggressors and Egotists. The Net of Deception. The Powerful Bait of Irresponsibility. They rebel against structure such as managing their finances, corporate or relationships rules. They tend to have unpaid bills, lost paperwork, suffer from late charges and tend toward impulsive and selfish spending. This is because their desires are not mutually beneficial or relationship oriented, rather they are guided by their desires for the moment. This means they apply no forethought or concern for how their desires will affect the lives, schedules or commitments of those around them.
They live according to a strong sense of entitlement which does not promote anything but the immediate gratification of their needs.
Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life : Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships
In their small and forlorn worlds they never make mistakes and are never wrong. They somehow distort that their motives are always pure and are adept at marketing themselves as helpless victims if they do not get their way or if they get confronted on their self-centered behavior. These difficult people will take absolutely zero responsibility for their behavior especially when it leads to unpleasant consequences for someone else. Sadly, because they lack insight into understanding who and how they are, these people are not going to change. If we are in love with one of these people, it will be important for us to really understand that without insight there will never be any change.
Because they are so frustrating we need strategies to deal with them. To follow are some quick tips to help aid us in dealing with these annoying people. I see these people as teachers. You may be inclined to ask why I would say that, if they are so immature what can we learn from people like this?
It comes in one very simple answer. Adult children are bullies, of a sort, in that they push and push to get their way and will push people into giving in to come out victorious. There is no confronting them because they have no insight into how they are, so to deal effectively with these people we have to grow.
Quick Tip: These annoying people are not going to change, so that means that we have to change our responses to them. Yes, the responsibility is once again on us and not them. However, with responsibility we have choice and options. Quick tip: We have to think new thoughts and take new and unfamiliar actions.
This often brings up fear, but facing fear is the exact kind of challenge which promotes personal growth. To deal with these people we have to face fears of conflict and the noise of their tantrums. Quick tip: Learn to say no without explanation. If an annoying person can get us engaged in explaining ourselves, they have won because they dominate in verbal warfare. If they tantrum, remember it is just noise. It will calm down if we stay disengaged. This is often new behavior because we want to say no and to have the comfort that the other person understands through our explanation why we are saying no and can identify with our reasoning.
We can expect that comfort with a reasonable person, not an adult child. Quick tip: Be factual not emotional. When we allow them to get us emotional it is like giving a drug addict their drug of choice. Quick tip: Just because they look like adults we have to remind ourselves not to see them as normal people who have insight and can see the views of a situation from another perception. We have to use our insight to understand that they will never understand our perception so there is no point in wasting our breath.
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Quick Tip: We can use them to learn how to be consistent and stick to our word. We cannot let them convince us or bully us out of our boundary. If this is happening, cut communication and let the NO do the work. Quick Tip: When dealing with these people we have to keep our talks and explanations to a bare minimum. The more we say to these people the more ammunition they have to twist and use against us, as they are experts at rewriting history.
Remember we will never win in verbal warfare against an adult-child. They will always get us to say more than we want to. Any attempt to explain ourselves and they will find a way to make us look much worse than they. Quick Tip: Because they are so annoying it is easy to let them get us upset. We need to learn to self-control in situations that are maddening. Learning this is a great gift.
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Self-control is all about being adult and remaining an adult. Sometimes adult children can get us to veer sharply away from whom we naturally are and before we know it we are acting as immaturely as they are all in an effort to defend ourselves. If we give them any room for battle they will win, silence takes this away from them. It takes strength, courage and emotional restraint to stay silent with someone like this. We have to let our actions speak our words.
Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life - E-bok - David Hawkins () | Bokus
To them people are in their lives for one reason and one reason only, and that is to supply their needs. They are takers. For this reason people in relationships with them often get fed up with the need to constantly remind them to tidy up, listen more closely, or to get organized.
This causes those on the outside of them to feel hurt, angry and resentful over the complete irresponsibility and insensitivity they demonstrate.
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To add to the damage, others can point this out to them and even show them this article and they will read it and think the article is talking about the other person and not them. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to deal with difficult people. However, we can see them as our greatest teachers. Boundaries are very difficult to set and to maintain. What these types of people do is push boundaries, so if we are in a relationship with them our lesson is to learn to set boundaries and keep them.
Once we learn this, we will be free. Boundaries are scary to set because they are often associated with conflict and for nice people, conflict in nearly unbearable. Difficult people can pull us so far off our own course that we can feel lost in their psychodrama. Once we say no we will be out of that cyclone and back to standing in a clear perception of who we are and we will be able to see that these types of people have never found and will never find a functional way to make their lives work, and this is the main reason they use other people.
It is only through the use and abuse of others that they get anything adult accomplished in their lives. On their own they cannot do it. To heal then we need look at this situation as something that has shown up perfectly for us to strengthen our boundary-setting muscles. No one can run us over without our involvement or permission.